Parenting Room 101: Things that give me Mummy-rage.

Mummy-rage - it's not good. There are things I encounter as a parent that make me very stabby. I would love to put them in Room 101. Here are my top five....

1) Lunch-box police. Don't get me wrong, I don't think that children turning up to school with nothing but crisps and sweets for lunch is a good thing. Buuuuuttt, I do think that teachers have a hard enough job without having to do checks of the lunches that parents have made for their own children. Some parents find food enough of a battleground without having to be told that sandwiches can only consist of cheese or meat - no jam, no peanut butter (i.e. stuff your child might actually eat). The guidelines that schools have to try and get the children to adhere to are set down by the government and it's various advisory bodies - and I say, Oi, Cameron, butt out will ya!!

2) Celebrity Mums - not celebrities who are mums, because that would be silly, but those women who have a perfectly good career in showbiz or whatever, and because they have suddenly become a mum start milking it for all it's worth - releasing fitness DVDs so you can get your figure back, clothing ranges for pregnant women and their soon-to-be offspring, food ranges, appearing with their little darlings in adverts for questionable freezer shops. What happened to the woman taking some time off for maternity leave and then going back to doing what she was doing previously, like all us lesser mortals have to? Oi, Klass, give it a rest and go back to being a perfectly good classical musician, will ya!

3) Lelli Kelly. The cutest shoes. Lelli Kelly, they are so cool, oh yeah! They may well be but  they are also hideous, and hideously expensive. On top of that they have the most annoying advert of all time, ever. It doesn't stop my girls wanting them so much - they seem to love the Lelli Kelly song and the shoes that go with them. I say, Oi Kelly, shove your shoes up your backside!

4) Me too! Why oh why did they shelve Balamory and wheel out Me too! instead? What a crock. It's awful. the songs are shit. The acting is chronic. The children are marginalised. Even the dog looks like it knows it got the shitty end of the stick after doggy drama-school. And I don't know about you, but Riverseafingle looks suspiciously like Glasgow to me. I say, Oi, Granny Murray, just shut up you old bag!

5) Useless baby equipment. There are things you need, like a pushchair, a high chair, and a cot, and things you don't need. Unfortunately you don't learn you don't need them until after you've bought them and not used them. Here are things we had that hardly got any use - a moses basket, cot bumpers, bloody flamin' bumbos. Don't bother. I say, Oi, shops, stop selling us stuff we don't need!

So, what would you like to send into parenting Room 101?