The battle of nappy hill.

Nappy changing - that essential job that no parent can avoid. It's crap, I know, but wishing it away isn't going to make it stop. The main problem with nappy changing is that the little person we are trying to help through the act of changing a nappy is the same little person who we have to fight to make it happen. And my word, aren't they good at resistance?

What are they thinking when we go to change their nappy? If only we could read their minds. The secret to successful nappy changing is being able to either make the little enemy conform, or to outsmart them when they try evasion tactics. Try our nappy changing advice and tips.

First of all, it pays to get good at the whole nappy changing operation while they are still too small to think about playing up. Practice doing things one handed and set yourself speed challenges. Once they start rolling over, you will find all the practice very useful.

Aw cute! But don't be fooled. These things can stink. Baaaaaad.

When they start rolling, you now have to be able to change nappies with one hand while holding the baby down with the other. If you don't have anyone around to help you, then pray that the nappy isn't tooooooo bad. Otherwise, it's game over already.

Keep the wipes within reach, unless you have twins and it's a whole different ball game altogether. This is when you need to keep them within reach of you and out of reach of the second twin, who will grab the wipes and run off laughing if you give them half a chance. Recommended kit: a play-pen. 

Also, if you do have twins or more, you will also need to practice nappy changing while blind-folded and with a wriggly weight on your back. Or you need to pay someone to do all this for you. Anyway...

If it's a really bad nappy, then get a couple of carrier bags ready - one for the waste, and one for any clothing. Avoid changing a wriggly baby on a mat placed on a carpet. Always put the mat on a wipeable floor instead. Lino is fab. I speak from experience here, so pay attention!

Older babies get wise to your tactics. When they get to around fifteen months old, they seem to comply with the nappy change, but don't be fooled. They are really lulling you into a false sense of security, biding their time until you let down your guard using your spare hand to get the clean nappy - then they're up and off quicker than a greased ferret. And that's you, chasing after a half-naked baby like a frickin' eejit. If they don't tiddle on the floor in the time between now and managing to catch them, then count yourself lucky, soldier. Do not ever remove your hand from that baby. Ever. 

As they get older, I'd like to say it gets easier, but it doesn't. They up their game, content wise. And then they get curious and start sticking their hands in. Recommended kit: straight jacket, or willing assistant. 

The next weapon in your armoury should be potty training, and the sooner the better. And good luck with that one!

Sergeant J's personal blog is over at Trouble Doubled.

Essential Kit for New Troopers

When you’ve got a baby trooper on the way, the amount of kit that people tell you that you simply can’t live without is overwhelming. You’re bombarded from all sides, advertising, magazines, friends, family, all telling you that you need everything from certain brands of baby wipes to travel systems. People ask you if you have everything you need, if you are ‘prepared’ (believe me, nothing can prepare you for fatherhood) and if the nursery is ready (the one that the trooper won’t be in for months).

When I was about to become a new dad for the first time, I took all this on board. I didn’t want to scrimp on my own offspring after all, I wanted to give them the best start possible, and of course I was pretty excited to make it all seem ‘real’ by buying ‘essential’ baby kit…

And as a result I ended up buying a whole load of stuff that just never got used. A total waste of money. So, if you’re happy to get out there and spend, spend, spend, then don’t let me stop you (it’s good for the economy). But, if like me, you didn’t really know what you need to buy but feel compelled to buy anyway….

STOP!!!!

In the first few weeks the baby trooper needs very little kit. They need to be fed, kept comfortable and clean, and loved. In the weeks before you have a baby trooper at base camp, you don’t need to go on a buying frenzy. You need to plan and prepare. You need to clean and make room for them. One thing that is going to be in really short supply in the next few months is time.

So what are the basics that you need to buy?

·        Nappies and nappy changing kit. Buy the smallest bag of newborn nappies as possible, as baby troopers grow fast. If using non-disposable (washable) nappies, again, don’t buy in bulk. You have to see what is the best fit and type for your baby trooper.

·        Clothing. Baby troopers need to be two things: to be comfortable and accessible (for many nappy changing sorties). So do not buy fussy clothes with fiddly buttons – unless your trooper is going straight from the maternity ward to a wedding or their own graduation, they don’t need an ‘outfit’. They need stretchy, soft, warm clothes that can withstand the rigours of repeated washing. I’ve listed my all-time favourite baby trooper outfit below. Buy enough of it to ensure you always have a few outfits clean (around 6) but not too many as they will grow out of them fast.

o  a cotton babygrow and a sleepsuit with poppers

o  a cotton hat (a lot of heat is lost through the head). If the weather is cold, a warm hat for outdoor use

o  scratch mits (baby troopers have sharp fingernails that aren’t easy to trim)

o  socks (extremities need to be kept warm)

o  a thin cotton cardigan or jacket 

·        Feeding. Some parents chose to bottle feed straight away, but even if your partner is going to breastfeed, you can step up and bottle feed your baby trooper in the evening. When bottle feeding full time, 8 bottles is the optimum number to ensure you always have a clean, sterilised bottle to hand, but don’t go and buy 8. Your baby trooper may not take to them them. You’ll need cleaning and sterilising kit too.

·      Sleeping. Moses basket or cot with a new, snug-fitting mattress. Cotton sheets and thin blankets as it’s easier to regulate temperature with thin layers.

·    Bathing. Somewhere safe to bath the baby. Soft flannels and soft towels, baby shampoo and baby bath.

·        Transport. Car seat that meets safety standards and fits safely and securely in your car. I used a baby carrier in the first few months as it kept my baby trooper safe and close, but both my hands free for other tasks. I bought a second hand pushchair when my baby trooper was a few months older. Those things are built to survive all manner of knocks and there’s some great second hand bargains to be had.

·         First Aid Kit that must include a digital ear thermometer.

And that’s about it – for now. Luckily the baby trooper comes supplied with fully functioning adults who are able to assess their on-going needs and respond accordingly. And believe me, you’ll be up to speed on the real essentials they need before you know it.

Neil Sinclair is an ex-Commando and stay-at-home dad to three troopers Samuel, 10, Jude, 9, and Liberty,5.  He has written a no-nonsense parenting book for new recruits to fatherhood – Commando Dad  - due for publication on May 8 2012. www.commandodad.com.