The bedtime standoff.

We're having a bit of a standoff at home at the moment, the husband and I. It's over the battleground that is our four-year-old's night-time bedwetting.

It's a bit of a battle because I have one philosophy and action plan, and he has another entirely. I don't really know who's right to be honest. We are both doing what we think is best, which is all we can do, but it does lead to bickering every now and again.

My approach is to let the four-year-old have a drink before bed, if she wants one. I don't like going to bed thirsty and I don't think it's fair to force the children to. I make sure she has a wee before bed and, when I go to bed later at around 11pm, I will lift her on to the toilet where she will do another sleepy wee. This is usually enough to get her through until morning, when fingers crossed, she is dry. My philosophy is that her body will grow and learn to go longer between wees at night in it's own time and that by lifting her I am saving us a whole lot of stress in a morning, when I least need it.

His battle plan is different. He won't let her have a drink after the evening meal. She goes for a wee at bedtime but then he leaves her all night, with the logic that her body will learn faster if we're not lifting her. With this approach, she is more likely to be wet in the morning, and that leaves whoever is on morning duties to sort the bed out and give the four-year old a bath before school. But if it's his turn on duty, I don't argue because it's him that'll bear the fallout and that's his choice to make.

I wouldn't say it's causing arguments but it's probably the thing we disagree on most. I don't like the way he leaves her and then tells her off when she's wet, which I see as inevitable if you expect someone of that age to go 10 hours without the toilet - asleep or not. I tell him that I think he is wrong, but then I'm not totally convinced I'm going about it the right way myself. 

What's your philosophy on night-time bed-wetting?

#FailFriday 29th June 2012

Welcome to another Fail Friday.

Confession time: For most of today I have been calling the twins by the wrong names. Not completely wrong names, obviously - but swapping them over. My twins are 16 months old so are not in the habit of correcting me, although my four-year-old did. Several times. I ignored her. Told her she was the mistaken one. She wasn't. In my defence, my supposed non-identical girls are very, very similar. They go through phases of looking alike, and then growing apart again. Today was a looking alike day. Ah well, no harm done. Fingers crossed. I still feel like a failure though. But it happens to the best of us. And to me.

To Fail Friday. Link up your fail stories below, and leave us a comment. Tweet us if you want with the URL of your post. 

Take my Mother in law....

 The battle of the biscuits

What's your relationship like with your Mother-in-law? It's a notoriously tricky one and can have such an effect on your happiness. MIL's have a vested interest in what you do - your closest relationships with your children and husband. It's the stuff of nightmares really. 

Now my MIL is alright. Mostly. She doesn't come round very often. We go to hers a lot but she spends most of the time in the kitchen. We were very lucky when my eldest was born as she was busy with her social life and while we didn't get much help at least she didn't interfere. In fact she was so disinterested that when we rang her to tell her we had some exciting news and could we come round to tell her? She said no she was going out to the bingo and are you pregnant? Well yes we said, can we come round to celebrate? Um.... no, she knows now and the phone call has already made her late for the bingo.

She's more interested now and has actually had the children long enough to learn their names and sit and talk to them for more than five minutes. I am grateful because she will babysit and they can be a handful. The only problem is that every single time we goes round we have to have the battle of the biscuit. Now I can be a bit of a food fascist. I care about what the children eat and while I let them have a few treats - the emphasis is on a few. My MIL has no such restraint. She has given some of the children in her care so many treats they have been sick. She has no idea of a healthy diet. When she cooks most things are fried and her dinner for the children is chicken nuggets and chips - with no vegetables in sight.

Then the biscuits come out. If she gave them one biscuit or even two then I wouldn't complain. If biscuits were the only treat then I wouldn't complain. What happens is that the children will go off to the kitchen and come back with a whole packet of biscuits - A WHOLE PACKET! When questioned she just says "well they asked for it." Children have no concept of eating healthily - they will eat a whole packet of biscuits. This is usually after we have already said no and when it is an hour before dinner - or just after dinner when she has already given them mammoth adult sized portions and ice cream for pudding.

So why don't I do anything about it? Well families are tricky, aren't they. For a start I have a deep seated politeness. She is my elder and my husband's mother, she deserves my respect. Secondly it is always when I'm feeling grateful to her. She has just done me a favour - how can I then turn around and throw it back in her face? Finally we've tried, repeatedly. She doesn't listen. She thinks she knows best.

The thing is she doesn't. Three of her children have serious weight problems. That isn't being mean, they are morbidly obese and it is a real concern to me. My husband and I try really hard to keep our children from this but it's tricky. I could deliver an ultimatum except that it would be pointless. So instead we battle on. Every time the same. The sad thing is my daughter is trying to make sense of it. She knows we get cross at her grandparents. When we go round she says "nanny gives us too many biscuits because she's trying to be nice." That is the thing, she is trying to be nice, but over feeding someone isn't nice - providing children with unhealthy role models isn't nice, teaching them that food is to be stuffed into your faces isn't nice. 

So any ideas how I can win the MIL war? Or is it a losing battle

Maintaining intimate relationships with your closest ally

Thank you to an undercover trooper for this anonymous guest post.

Since having children my husband and I have been really struggling to keep up with our more intimate duties to each other and sometimes it does feel like a duty after spending a day running round after 2yo and having been up every two hours of the night with six month old. The last thing on my mind has been sex! And in fairness, hubby has been really patient with me and let me come to him when I’m ready. He’s really good like that, but it has been causing problems. And a lot of frustration for the both of us. Mismatched sex drives are bad!

So we’ve been talking for a while about how we can maintain our passion for each other despite the fact that we have two children and a cat that likes to get in the way! I think she doesn’t want any more screaming babies and toddlers! We’ve thought about a lot of things to help get me more involved.

Role Play: This was a bad idea because I kept laughing! He showed me nurses outfits. You know the ones I mean! And I just found them funny! Probably because I had a conversation with my mother about buying underwear for hubby and I stressed that it was dignified and her response was that she wears undignified things for my father. A mental picture of my mother in a sexy nurses outfit really put me off the thought of role play!

Mutual Massage: This was good, but it really got boring after a while, if you know what I mean! Although someone I spoke to in confidence about this suggested I buy a vibrator that we can use while playing.

Having Sex In Different Places: This we’ve done a lot! In fact 6mth old was conceived in my brother in law’s bed (Fact!) I think it’s just the idea that we might get caught that really turns me on!

Good Old Fashion Romance: You know what I mean! Candlelit Chinese, a bottle of wine, nice music... And then the baby wakes up for a feed. Yeah! That! Really annoying! Though now we’re bottle feeding, we can now farm the kids off somewhere and have a proper date night!

Today though, our desire to keep the passion reached a new level! We left the children at hubby’s parent’s house because they were both asleep and went for a walk. We weren’t planning on being intimate, we just wanted to spend some time together alone! We really just wanted to sit and talk and enjoy each other’s company. Well, we were sat on the bench talking and laughing and kissing. Let’s just say one thing led to another and we ended up in an empty field doing slightly more than playing! It was so much fun!!! I really enjoyed it anyway and I haven’t really enjoyed anything like that with hubby since we had the baby. Having post natal depression hasn’t really helped though. But it’s really reinvigorated my desire for hubby! And I’ve had a naughty smile on my face all afternoon!

If nothing else that’s got to be one more item ticked off the bucket list!

Is there anything else we can do to keep up our passion and intimacy do you think? What have you done?