Fight the boredom this summer

School is nearly out and summer is fast approaching. The idea of having the kids at home 24/7 may induce a multiplicity of feelings, whether you’re a stay at home parent, or timed your annual leave to coincide with the inevitable. If  you’re trying to avoid the monotonous drones of “I’m bored” from your teenager, having to play dress up one more time with your four year old or tripping over your toddlers trike, then you will need to be armed with some ideas to keep these lot busy. That’s why as a fellow parent hailing from the front line, I have come up with just a few ideas.

Take them on Holiday

If you can afford it, even if it’s just at the end of the street, taking the kids on holiday is always a good solution for keeping them out your hair and off your back. A change of scenery can do wonders for not only their moods, but yours as well. When making a choice on which hotel to stay in, be sure to consider your options. Depending on the age of your children, make sure there are things for teenagers to do such as bowling, discos, snorkelling etc. as you certainly don’t want them repeating that all familiar phrase whilst you’re trying to soak up the rays in Barbados. If you have younger children, you should make sure the hotel has a kid’s club where they can meet other children on holiday, making for hours of uninterrupted play for them and rest for you. With babies, making sure that the room you choose is safe i.e. covered sockets and child safe crib, mattress etc. Another thing to consider is a self catering option as heating up bottles in the middle of the night won’t be that thrilling if you have to run down to the reception desk to do so. 

Send them out in the Garden

Depending on their age you should probably take them. How does this get them out your hair you might ask? Well it doesn’t really, but the games you can play outdoors are countless and I can guarantee will not become boring. Playing hide and seek in the garden shed, building a tree house, dressing up the dog or even planting a few vegetables are all activities that will keep your children busy this summer. Depending on where you live and if the hose pipe ban is in operation, then filling up the paddling pool, having a picnic lunch or making mud pies for the hedgehogs are also options for hours of fun in the garden.  The possibilities are endless!

Ship them Off to Grandma and Grandad 

So, grandparents are also lifesavers when having the kids all summer is becoming a bit of a drag. Your children will always enjoy being spoilt rotten by your parents so having them visit will never be like convincing them that taking a trip to the dentist is fun. Grandma always seems to have an endless supply of cakes and sweets, whilst Grandad tells the funniest jokes that have them falling off their chairs, no matter what age. Your parents will hardly ever say no, because unlike when they’re with you, your children to your parents are like angels. Plus, they have the added benefit that at the end of the day, they can pack them back to you, breathing a sigh of satisfaction and waving an enthusiastic goodbye.

And so it’s on that note that I wish you all the best of luck keeping your little ‘uns entertained this summer. Have a good one!

This post was provided by Anika, working for Tiger Sheds. If you need a shed to hide in this summer holidays, they're your people!

Parenting Room 101: Things that give me Mummy-rage.

Mummy-rage - it's not good. There are things I encounter as a parent that make me very stabby. I would love to put them in Room 101. Here are my top five....

1) Lunch-box police. Don't get me wrong, I don't think that children turning up to school with nothing but crisps and sweets for lunch is a good thing. Buuuuuttt, I do think that teachers have a hard enough job without having to do checks of the lunches that parents have made for their own children. Some parents find food enough of a battleground without having to be told that sandwiches can only consist of cheese or meat - no jam, no peanut butter (i.e. stuff your child might actually eat). The guidelines that schools have to try and get the children to adhere to are set down by the government and it's various advisory bodies - and I say, Oi, Cameron, butt out will ya!!

2) Celebrity Mums - not celebrities who are mums, because that would be silly, but those women who have a perfectly good career in showbiz or whatever, and because they have suddenly become a mum start milking it for all it's worth - releasing fitness DVDs so you can get your figure back, clothing ranges for pregnant women and their soon-to-be offspring, food ranges, appearing with their little darlings in adverts for questionable freezer shops. What happened to the woman taking some time off for maternity leave and then going back to doing what she was doing previously, like all us lesser mortals have to? Oi, Klass, give it a rest and go back to being a perfectly good classical musician, will ya!

3) Lelli Kelly. The cutest shoes. Lelli Kelly, they are so cool, oh yeah! They may well be but  they are also hideous, and hideously expensive. On top of that they have the most annoying advert of all time, ever. It doesn't stop my girls wanting them so much - they seem to love the Lelli Kelly song and the shoes that go with them. I say, Oi Kelly, shove your shoes up your backside!

4) Me too! Why oh why did they shelve Balamory and wheel out Me too! instead? What a crock. It's awful. the songs are shit. The acting is chronic. The children are marginalised. Even the dog looks like it knows it got the shitty end of the stick after doggy drama-school. And I don't know about you, but Riverseafingle looks suspiciously like Glasgow to me. I say, Oi, Granny Murray, just shut up you old bag!

5) Useless baby equipment. There are things you need, like a pushchair, a high chair, and a cot, and things you don't need. Unfortunately you don't learn you don't need them until after you've bought them and not used them. Here are things we had that hardly got any use - a moses basket, cot bumpers, bloody flamin' bumbos. Don't bother. I say, Oi, shops, stop selling us stuff we don't need!

So, what would you like to send into parenting Room 101?

#FailFriday - May 2012

Sorry! Been really busy. Doing successful parenting stuff obviously. I'm not a failure.

However, if you've been feeling the pressure recently and achievement has given way to a disaster or two, then this is the place to be. 

Link up your fail posts below, tweet us with #FailFriday, and let us all share in your self-pitying, wallowing mess of a life. The funnier the better, thank you! And something we can take the piss out of you for would be ideal. There's a badge over on the right if you want to increase your exposure as an inadequate human being. 

So, link up below and we'll all come and show you some support / sympathy / humiliation*

Thank you good people!!

*depends how we feel at the time. It's pot luck, I'm afraid.

Ignore this technical bit - PY3WCU7DS2BM

Know what you're up against: Torture techniques

Children. Who'd have 'em?

It's like we welcome them into our homes and lives but then they start slowly turning it in to a war zone. Bit by bit, day by day, they do stuff that drives us nuts, and makes us want to run for the hills. Maybe their sole purpose is to make us abandon our territory so they can have it all to themselves. So they can steal our oil, or something like that.

But this doesn't have to be your fate. An awareness of the techniques they use to conquer us can help us to be strong and resist their advances. 

Today, we start with torture techniques. There are many techniques available for a soldier (i.e. little darling) to torture the enemy (i.e. you) with. While we can't tell you what to use to combat this torture, an understanding of how the little buggers can grind you down can keep you one step ahead mentally. 

Fully trained in ritual humiliation. Yours.

Blackmailing - You know it well. If you don't do something they want, or let them do something they want to do, then you will bloody well pay for it one way or another. With whining, or a tantrum, or just telling you they don't love you any more. The threat of having to hear their little whiny voice and look at their pathetic, hard-done-to face for hours on end tempts us in to giving in to their demands. Well don't! Be a man. Tell them 'no' and mean it. That'll teach them.

Humiliation - Argh, the pain! The torment! Just when you thought you were getting away with it all, the little darling decides to tell random strangers, at the top of their usually tiny voices, that Mummy was squeezing the spots on her face this morning. Or that Daddy was doing something equally (or more) disgusting than that. Or worse, they tell their teachers who have a very crafty way of being able to wheedle out all your family secrets with just one look. You will never have the same street cred in the playground again. Ever.

Sleep Deprivation - Oh God! This one needs a whole blog post in itself. We will come back later, I think.

Exposure to unpleasant sounds over a long period of time - Bong bing boo. Bing bong bing. Bing bong bingly bungly boo. Bong bing boo. Bing bong bing. Bing bong bingly bungly boo. Do I need to explain this one any further? Thought not.

Being subject to interrogation for long periods - Whhhhhhhhy? Like this.....

"Mummy, why is that lady walking funny?"

"Don't know darling. Maybe she's had a poorly leg and it's not got better."

"Oh. Why?"

"Well, I don't know. Some people just get poorly for whatever reason."

"Oh. Why?"

"Because people catch germs or hurt themselves doing something mental like parachuting or something."

"Oh. Why?"

"Because people sometimes like to do things like that."

"Oh. Why?"

"Because they JUST FRICKIN WELL DO THAT'S WHY!!!!"

And relax.

So there you have it. Some of the more common torture techniques you will encounter as a parent. Do you have any more to add to help out your fellow trooper?