Does critical parenting work?

Sometimes parents are very critical of their offspring. They give constant orders to their children as though they are new recruits under the care of a bullying Sergeant Major. It's all stick and no carrot. In the army it's a technique designed to knock the young recruits into shape, they take them apart piece by piece until they eventually become part of a well oiled machine. But does this work with children?

I watched the Tiger mum's program on TV this week. I know I'm a bit behind but I never watch anything when it actually goes out anymore, I Sky+ it and watch at my leisure. Obviously you only see half the story on these shows but the thing which I was left with was the statement from one of the parents that you don't praise good, good is just what is accepted, you need to strive for excellence. Only something truly exceptional gets praised and then it's valued more. Anything less than perfect is harshly criticised. The results of these children often speak for the method. The children are highly driven and often excel, so there is something for that method, if that's what you want.

I've been thinking about this a lot because I've been feeling pretty demoralised recently. I know I'm an adult but I still want to make my parents proud and recently I feel under constant criticism. Now I know it's meant with the best intentions, my parents wish they could help out more and they can see we're struggling a bit. If I said this to them they would be horrified, they don't realise how it makes me feel. However I'm feeling like a failure and I know it's mainly through the things they have said. Here is a small snippet:

Those trainers are so old even a tramp would be disgusted to wear them.

You're not exactly a yummy mummy are you?

Have you seen all this stuff under your sofa?

You always leave everything on display for people to steal.

Oh dear, that carpet has seen better days.

That coat has seen better days.

It's really time you got a hair cut.

I can't believe you haven't planted that tree I gave you.

I can't believe you haven't sorted out the children's bank accounts.

You really should send a thank you card to your aunt.

I could go on. This was just a short snippet from one day. Some things are said as a joke. If I question anything then I'm told, "we're just trying to help"

It's made me wonder if this is how it's always been. I'm feeling a bit low at the moment so it's getting to me more than normal. However, I know I can't take any form or criticism and I have to feel like a success at all times. I put a lot of pressure on myself to get everything right, to be perfect all the time and if I get anything wrong I'm devastated. So are these traits the result of having a critical parent?

What do you think? Do you have critical parents, has it affected you, and are you critical yourself?

#MedalMonday - 6th February 2012

Huzzah! It's that time of the week again where we have a good old gloat to everyone else about what brilliant, stroke-of-genius parenting stuff we've been up to. 

Come and join in with Medal Monday. Grab the victory badge and link up your blog post below. Don't forget to tweet us the link to your post, and leave us a comment so we know you've linked up!

Last week we had two victorious tales of parenting brilliance. 

Headspace blog was back again (if it weren't for her fantastic fail posts here on a Friday, I would be beginning to think she is THE ultimate in parenting excellence,) with her tale of an activity to keep your budding mini-fashionista occupied.

At the front this week, we have Tales of a Twin Mum who, with the aid of an essential piece of kit, managed to achieve something us other parenting losers can only aspire to - SLEEP!!!! Hurrah! Don't mess with her or she will send you to bed and you won't be coming down til the little sun on the clock comes out. To avoid this happening to us, we will award her the honour of being our star-trooper this week. 

So, come back over the next few days and read all about other parenting successes. Link up your own story (old or new) if you've got one and we'll all swing by and cheer at your triumph. If you haven't got a story for us, then come back on Friday and link up with other parenting losers with your story of defeat and utter failure. We know you've got one of those at least, and anyone who says otherwise is a big fat liar. So there.

Signing out, 


Sergeant J

#FailFriday - 3rd February 2012

Fall in line for Fail Friday.

For the benefit of all you deserters, Friday is the day we show our battle scars, and report back with our stories of defeat. So, if you've dropped the baby on it's head, turned your back on a room full of crayon-laden toddlers, or made a complete arse out of yourself in front of your teens, then we need to know about it.


Our enemies are numerous - teachers, foodstuffs, bloody craft thingy-me-bobs, and the children too. Some days it seems they all conspire to make us as miserable as possible. Come and sprag them in to us.

Link up your blog post below, tweet us @ParentFrontLine with the link to your post, and leave us a comment to let us know you've linked up. Don't forget to award yourself the big fat fail badge (on the right) if you know how, failure!

Today, we are on maneouveres, but will be armed with our essential tools (smartphones naturally), so get linking up and come and say hello!

Last week, we had one report of defeat. When you can't speak the lingo, the potential for failure is mahoosive. It certainly was for this unlucky trooper. Read it and thank someone, somewhere that it wasn't you.

Laters men!

Sergeant J

Words of wisdom from Mama Jax

Mama Jax is here today to share with you all some tried-and-tested survival techniques.

How to survive a sleepover

Sleepover. One of those misnomers, right up there with 'fun run' and 'sports personality'.

Last night Phyllis had her first ever sleepover. Her friend, also 6, came for New Year's Eve and stayed. We survived; having had 3 kids I have developed a very strict set of rules for sleepovers:

1. Choose your guest/s wisely. Phyllis' little friend came from Good Stock. We know the parents and knew that they were bringing her up well. She was polite and fun. Do not choose a child who has multiple piercings under the age of 10, is named Checayne, Tequila or similar, and who's mother is 12. On the flip side, do no allow a child to stay who has a live in nanny and a maid. They will sneer at your Factory Shop furnishings, and demand scrambled quail's eggs on a fat/sugar/salt free brioche for breakfast.

2. Give them sweets. Yes, I know that is against everything you have been brought up to believe, but look at it this way: They will be hyper anyway, would you rather blame their behaviour on Haribo or your total lack of control as a parent?

Thought so.

3. Cram in as many children as will fit in the house. Again, this may seem crazy, but the less space they have, the less they can move. Moving=mischief.

This also makes the inevitable arguments more interesting and varied, and chances are they will tell each other to go to sleep as the first few get tired, saving you a job.

4. Invite children who have unusually early bedtimes. Phyllis' friend is usually tucked up by 6.30pm. The odds on her being tired at a reasonable time are significantly better than, say, a child whose usual bedtime is 9pm.

5. From the age of about 8 or nine, sleepovers become a popular and regular occurrence, particularly with girls. Parents of said kids will usually take turns to host the sleepovers. Make sure your turn falls in the summer months and stick them all in the garden in a tent. Surprise them with one unannounced 'supervision' visit to let them know they are being watched, then leave them to it.

6. Behave totally inappropriately in the house (see 'How to get your teenager to go to bed') to ensure they only come in when absolutely necessary, like if an alien abducts one of them. And maybe not even then.

7. If they are old enough to have a sleepover, they are old enough to make their own breakfast. Leave out a selection of easy things for them to make, like the cornflakes you've been trying to get rid of for months but no-one in your family will eat. Hide the nice stuff! I cannot stress this enough. This particularly applies to teenage boys...

Today: Phrases that may be used in an emergency

"I want you all asleep by 10pm. If you're quiet though, I might forget you're not asleep and you may get to stay up longer..."

"Ah, poor thing. If you can't settle to sleep here, maybe I should take you home."

"Of course you can come in! ***'s (insert name of your child) dad is just watching the 'News at 10' in his pants, but you won't mind that will you?"

For loud music: "Oh my gosh I LOVE this song!! Turn it up!" Dance outrageously.

And further words of wisdom……..

How to get a teenager to go to bed

If any of you like me have a teen, you will know how difficult it is to have some time to yourself. You can't say to a teenager, "Come on, it's bedtime now," without being called lame, or having a HUGE list of whinges and arguments which would fluster an experienced lawyer.

I would like to share with you how I managed to get some alone time for me and my husband. My 16 and 13 year olds go upstairs at 9pm like clockwork, without a murmur, and don't come down at all. They are allowed to read or (16 year old) go on the computer until 10pm at which time, lights out.How did I achieve this minor miracle? Well, after a couple of weeks of constant battling I reached the end of my tether. The conversation went something like this:

Bobby: You're so lame, none of my friends go to bed before midnight, I'll be bullied at school if anyone finds out, blah, blah, blah...

Me: Ok let me put it this way. At 9pm, me and your dad are going to get naked and have sex on the couch whether you're here or not.

You have never seen teenagers move so quickly!!!

For further parenting wisdom, you can visit Mama Jax’s blog. Thank you to Jax for sharing her advice with us.